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Couples don’t stay the same over time. Relationships move through predictable stages, run into predictable conflicts, and succeed or struggle based on patterns that researchers have studied for decades. On the ASWB exam, you may be asked to identify a couple’s stage of development, recognize a destructive communication pattern, or choose the most appropriate intervention for a couple in conflict.
This guide covers the couples development theories most useful for the exam: Campbell’s stages of a couple’s journey, Bader and Pearson’s Developmental Model, Gottman’s research (including the Sound Relationship House and the Four Horsemen), adult attachment, and Sternberg’s triangular theory of love. You’ll also find five practice questions with rationales.
Quick answer: What are the main theories of couples development?
- Campbell’s stages: romance → power struggle → stability → commitment → co-creation.
- Bader & Pearson’s Developmental Model: symbiosis → differentiation → practicing → rapprochement → synergy (based on Mahler’s stages of separation-individuation).
- Gottman: the Sound Relationship House, the Four Horsemen (criticism, contempt, defensiveness, stonewalling), and the 5:1 ratio of positive to negative interactions during conflict.
- Adult attachment: early attachment patterns (secure, anxious, avoidant) shape how partners seek closeness and handle conflict.
- On the exam: match the couple’s behavior to the theory, and screen each partner individually for intimate partner violence before conjoint work.
Jump to: Campbell’s stages · Developmental Model · Gottman · Adult attachment · Sternberg · On the exam · Practice questions · FAQ
Campbell’s Stages of a Couple’s Journey
Psychologist Susan Campbell described five stages that many long-term couples move through. This is the model behind the familiar “honeymoon phase” and “power struggle” language.
| Stage | What happens | Exam clues |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Romance | Idealization, attraction, and focus on similarities; differences are minimized | “We agree on everything”; new relationship |
| 2. Power struggle | Differences surface; conflicts over independence, control, roles, and future plans | Arguments about who decides; one wants independence, the other more commitment |
| 3. Stability | Partners accept differences and develop ways to manage conflict | Negotiation and compromise; fewer escalations |
| 4. Commitment | A conscious choice to stay together, accepting the partner as they are | Realistic view of the partner; deeper trust |
| 5. Co-creation | The couple works together on shared goals that reach beyond the relationship | Joint projects, community involvement, shared purpose |
Bader and Pearson’s Developmental Model of Couples Therapy
Ellyn Bader and Peter Pearson adapted Margaret Mahler’s stages of separation-individuation (see Mahler’s Theory and the ASWB Exam) to explain how couples balance closeness and individuality. Problems often arise when partners are in different stages at the same time.
| Stage | Focus | Common challenge |
|---|---|---|
| 1. Symbiosis (bonding) | Merging and bonding; emphasis on sameness and togetherness | Avoiding conflict to preserve closeness |
| 2. Differentiation | Recognizing and expressing differences in thoughts, feelings, and wants | Differences feel threatening; disillusionment |
| 3. Practicing (exploration) | Turning outward toward individual interests, friendships, and goals | One partner may feel abandoned |
| 4. Rapprochement | Returning to the relationship for intimacy, now with a stronger sense of self | Moving back and forth between closeness and independence |
| 5. Synergy (mutual interdependence) | Two whole individuals balancing autonomy and intimacy | Sustaining growth over time |
Exam tip: Campbell’s “power struggle” and Bader and Pearson’s “differentiation” both describe the period when differences emerge. If an answer choice uses one model’s language, stay in that model.
Gottman’s Research on Couples
John and Julie Gottman studied thousands of couples to identify what predicts relationship stability and divorce. Their work is among the most frequently tested in couples content.
The Sound Relationship House
Gottman describes a healthy relationship as a house with seven levels, supported by two “walls”: trust and commitment.
- Build love maps: know your partner’s inner world, including their worries, hopes, history, and preferences. This is the foundation.
- Share fondness and admiration: express respect and appreciation.
- Turn toward instead of away: respond to your partner’s “bids” for attention and connection.
- The positive perspective: give your partner the benefit of the doubt.
- Manage conflict: accept that some problems are perpetual, and handle them with dialogue and repair attempts.
- Make life dreams come true: support each other’s aspirations.
- Create shared meaning: build rituals, roles, goals, and values together.
The Four Horsemen and their antidotes
Gottman identified four communication patterns that predict relationship breakdown. Contempt is the single strongest predictor of divorce.
| Horseman | What it looks like | Antidote |
|---|---|---|
| Criticism | Attacking the partner’s character: “You never think about anyone but yourself.” | Gentle start-up: “I” statements about a specific need |
| Contempt | Mockery, sarcasm, eye-rolling, name-calling; conveys superiority and disgust | Build a culture of appreciation and respect |
| Defensiveness | Making excuses, counterattacking, playing the victim | Take responsibility, even for part of the problem |
| Stonewalling | Shutting down, withdrawing, refusing to respond, often due to emotional flooding | Physiological self-soothing: take a break, then return to the conversation |
Other Gottman concepts to know:
- The 5:1 ratio: stable couples have at least five positive interactions for every negative one during conflict.
- Repair attempts: efforts to de-escalate tension during conflict, such as humor, an apology, or “let’s take a break.” Their success is a strong predictor of stability.
- Bids: small attempts to connect. Partners can turn toward, turn away, or turn against them.
- Perpetual vs. solvable problems: most relationship conflicts are perpetual, rooted in personality or values, and need ongoing dialogue rather than a final solution.
Adult Attachment in Couples
Attachment theory, developed by John Bowlby and Mary Ainsworth, describes how early caregiving experiences shape expectations of closeness and safety. In 1987, Cindy Hazan and Phillip Shaver applied attachment theory to adult romantic relationships, proposing that partners serve as attachment figures for one another.
| Adult attachment style | How it can look in a relationship |
|---|---|
| Secure | Comfortable with closeness and independence; trusts the partner; communicates needs directly |
| Anxious (preoccupied) | Fears abandonment; seeks frequent reassurance; may protest or pursue when the partner pulls away |
| Avoidant (dismissive) | Values self-reliance; uncomfortable with emotional closeness; withdraws under stress |
| Fearful-avoidant | Wants closeness but fears it; may alternate between pursuing and withdrawing |
A common pattern is the pursue-withdraw cycle: an anxiously attached partner pursues connection, an avoidant partner withdraws, and each response intensifies the other’s. Emotionally Focused Therapy (EFT), developed by Sue Johnson, is an attachment-based couples therapy that helps partners de-escalate this cycle and build a more secure bond. For more on attachment, see Principles of Attachment and Bonding on the ASWB Exam.
Sternberg’s Triangular Theory of Love
Robert Sternberg proposed that love has three components: intimacy (closeness and connection), passion (physical and romantic attraction), and commitment (the decision to maintain the relationship). Different combinations produce different types of love. For example, intimacy and passion without commitment is romantic love, intimacy and commitment without passion is companionate love, and all three together is consummate love. Many long-term relationships shift from passion toward intimacy and commitment over time.
Couples Development and the Family Life Cycle
Couples development theories focus on the partnership itself: how it forms, handles conflict, and balances closeness and autonomy. The family life cycle tracks transitions that affect the whole family system, such as the joining of families through a committed relationship, becoming parents, and launching children. Major transitions, like the birth of a first child, often put new strain on a couple. See The Family Life Cycle and the ASWB Exam and our human development theorist comparison table.
Want more practice? Agents of Change includes hundreds of practice questions with rationales, 2 live study groups each month, and full-length practice exams built for the new ASWB exam format.
How Couples Development Appears on the New ASWB Exam
The new ASWB exam, launched August 3, 2026, organizes content into three areas: Values & Ethics, Assessment & Planning, and Intervention & Practice. Couples content can appear in all three.
- Assessment & Planning: identifying a couple’s developmental stage, recognizing patterns like the Four Horsemen or the pursue-withdraw cycle, and considering life transitions, culture, and each partner’s attachment history.
- Intervention & Practice: choosing an approach that fits the problem, such as building love maps, teaching gentle start-up, de-escalating a negative cycle, or supporting healthy differentiation.
- Values & Ethics: remaining neutral rather than taking sides, clarifying who the client is (the couple), handling secrets one partner shares individually, and maintaining confidentiality.
Always screen for intimate partner violence
Before beginning conjoint (joint) couples work, a social worker should screen each partner individually for intimate partner violence. Joint sessions can put a victim at risk, since disclosing abuse in front of the abusive partner may lead to retaliation. When IPV is present, conjoint couples therapy is generally not appropriate until safety is addressed. On the exam, clues such as a partner who appears fearful, looks to the other before answering, or has unexplained injuries should prompt individual safety screening.
Practice Questions: Theories of Couples Development
Try each question before reading the answer and rationale.
Question 1
Tom and Sarah have been together for three years and are discussing marriage and starting a family. They have been arguing about where to live and how to balance careers and family life. In sessions, Tom often expresses concern about losing his independence, while Sarah emphasizes the need for more commitment and planning. According to Campbell’s stages of a couple’s journey, which stage are Tom and Sarah MOST likely experiencing?
A) Romance
B) Power struggle
C) Stability
D) Commitment
Answer: B. The power struggle stage begins as the romance stage fades and differences surface. Conflicts over independence, commitment, roles, and future plans are typical. Tom and Sarah haven’t yet developed reliable ways to manage these differences (stability, C) or reached a conscious acceptance of each other as they are (commitment, D). The idealization of romance (A) has passed.
Question 2
During a couples session, a woman rolls her eyes while her husband is speaking and says, “Here we go again, Mr. Perfect.” According to Gottman, this behavior is an example of:
A) Criticism
B) Contempt
C) Defensiveness
D) Stonewalling
Answer: B. Eye-rolling, sarcasm, and mockery communicate superiority and disgust, which are the hallmarks of contempt. Gottman found contempt to be the strongest predictor of divorce. Criticism (A) attacks a partner’s character. Defensiveness (C) involves excuses or counterattacks. Stonewalling (D) is withdrawing from the interaction.
Question 3
A social worker is conducting a first joint session with a couple seeking help for frequent arguments. The wife appears tense, glances at her husband before answering questions, and quickly agrees with everything he says. What should the social worker do NEXT?
A) Continue the joint session and teach the couple communication skills.
B) Ask the wife directly, in front of her husband, whether she feels safe at home.
C) Arrange to meet with each partner individually to screen for intimate partner violence.
D) Refer the husband to an anger management program.
Answer: C. The wife’s behavior suggests she may be afraid of her husband. Screening each partner individually allows her to disclose safely. Asking in front of her husband (B) could put her at risk. Continuing conjoint work (A) could be unsafe if violence is present. Referring the husband to anger management (D) assumes a problem that hasn’t been assessed, and anger management isn’t an appropriate response to IPV.
Question 4
A couple says that for the first year of their relationship they felt “like one person” and never disagreed. Recently, each partner has started voicing different opinions and preferences, and both feel unsettled by it. According to Bader and Pearson’s Developmental Model, the couple is MOST likely in which stage?
A) Symbiosis
B) Differentiation
C) Practicing
D) Synergy
Answer: B. Differentiation follows symbiosis and involves recognizing and expressing differences, which can feel threatening after a period of merging. Symbiosis (A) is the “like one person” phase they’ve moved out of. Practicing (C) involves turning outward toward individual interests and activities. Synergy (D) is a mature balance of autonomy and intimacy.
Question 5
In couples counseling, one partner repeatedly texts the other throughout the day for reassurance and becomes very distressed when the other partner asks for time alone. This pattern MOST likely reflects:
A) A secure attachment style
B) An anxious attachment style
C) An avoidant attachment style
D) Healthy differentiation
Answer: B. Seeking frequent reassurance and fearing distance are characteristic of anxious (preoccupied) attachment. A securely attached partner (A) is comfortable with both closeness and time apart. An avoidant partner (C) is more likely to be the one asking for distance. Healthy differentiation (D) involves tolerating differences without feeling threatened. An attachment-based approach such as Emotionally Focused Therapy can help the couple address this pattern.
FAQ: Couples Development and the ASWB Exam
What are the stages of couples development?
It depends on the model. Campbell’s stages are romance, power struggle, stability, commitment, and co-creation. Bader and Pearson’s Developmental Model includes symbiosis, differentiation, practicing, rapprochement, and synergy.
What are Gottman’s Four Horsemen?
Criticism, contempt, defensiveness, and stonewalling. These communication patterns predict relationship breakdown, and contempt is the strongest predictor of divorce. Their antidotes are gentle start-up, building appreciation, taking responsibility, and physiological self-soothing.
What is a love map?
A love map is Gottman’s term for detailed knowledge of your partner’s inner world: their history, worries, stresses, hopes, and preferences. Building love maps is the foundation of the Sound Relationship House.
Should a social worker see a couple together if there’s a history of violence?
Each partner should be screened individually for intimate partner violence before conjoint work begins. When violence is present, safety comes first, and joint couples therapy is generally not appropriate until safety is addressed.
How is Bader and Pearson’s model connected to Mahler?
Bader and Pearson adapted Mahler’s stages of separation-individuation in infancy (symbiosis, differentiation, practicing, rapprochement) to describe how adult partners move between closeness and individuality.
Bottom Line
For the ASWB exam, know the stages in Campbell’s and Bader and Pearson’s models, Gottman’s Sound Relationship House and Four Horsemen, how adult attachment styles show up in conflict, and Sternberg’s three components of love. When a question describes a couple, identify the pattern or stage from their behavior, and remember that safety screening comes before any joint intervention.
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About the Instructor, Dr. Meagan Mitchell: Meagan is a Licensed Clinical Social Worker and has been providing individualized and group test prep for the ASWB for over 11 years. From all of this experience helping others pass their exams, she created the Agents of Change course to help you prepare for and pass the ASWB exam!
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Disclaimer: This content has been made available for informational and educational purposes only. This content is not intended to be a substitute for professional medical or clinical advice, diagnosis, or treatment.
